The Eggy Egg One
by Dreaming Out Loud since '98
Summary: What will Valkyrie risk for a piece of cheese on toast? CRACK FIC!


**Title: The Mighty Eggy One**

**Summary: What will Valkyrie risk for a piece of cheese on toast?**

**Rating: K+ **

**Intro: I've had this idea of Skulduggery fic fluttering around in my head for a long time and at the start of my 3****rd**** lesson on a Monday morning [Geography], the ending sort of developed. So as soon the teacher put the penguin life cycle video on, I got out my Optimus Prime notebook out and proceeded scribbling down a whole scenario. Well, the start of it anyway. Because my friend [who we shall call SVP to protect her identity] asked to see it, so I gave it to her. SVP ended up adding a whole lot of nonsense to something that was supposed to be very tearful and heartbreaking .Then I got all giddy and we started taking it in turns to write absolute weirdness with a hint of the random.**

**Character List:**

**Existing Main Characters- Valkyrie Cain, Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel. We all know who they are, don't we? If not, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A SKUTTLEBUG IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE!**

**Artemis Curiosity- My OC. An old flame of Skulduggery's which was reignited for a short time before her death. At least she was supposed to die before SVP took over…**

**Zobert- A demon nurse whose name is derived from a private joke. Was originally me but I changed the name, again to protect my identity. Also is a woman, peeps.**

**The Pandora- The villains of my story and the recent gaolers of Artemis.**

**QUICK NOTE: The normal font is me writing and the **_italics_ **is SVP**

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><p>Valkyrie Cain looked into the dying woman's brilliant green eyes, the tears threatening to spill over. A few went further and splashed down onto Artemis's face.<p>

"Hey Val, please don't cry. Do I a favour please? A last wish. Tell Skulduggery _that I love him more than this toilet I'm sitting on. Boohoo._

"_BEANS!" Artemis screamed at her face. "I LOVE BEANS!"_

_Valkyrie ran away in fright as the lunatic ran like a penguin and did a belly slide 'beaning' along after her._

"_NO! NOT THE EGGY EGG!" Artemis continued crying._

Valkyrie carried on running, screaming as she went. The last time she'd screamed so much was when she was stuck in the caves, monsters surrounding her. This was far more terrifying.  
>Artemis was still behind her, yelling "EGGY EGG! Come back! I want to eat you with BEANS!"<p>

"_NEVER! Not even if you spoon me!" Valkyrie replied, over her shoulder._

_She was running as if she had just passed out a penguin egg. The wind was 100mph and she craved a cheese on toast. Maybe when I have hidden myself in the microwave, Valkyrie thought to herself and did exactly that._

"_Oh no! I have lost the Eggy One!" screamed Artemis._

Valkyrie risked a peek. Artemis was a madwoman. She had no idea what the Pandora did to her, but it was BAD.

"Wait, Eggy One! I have some cheese on toast for you!" the said madwoman shouted.

Valkyrie had another peek outside. So she did. Hmm, lunatic or nomlicious cheese on toast? Val asked herself.

"I'm over here" she shouted, coming out of the microwave.

"There you are, your Eggy Majesty" exclaimed Artemis.

_She ate the cheese on toast. Then she died. Valkyrie woke up in heaven or maybe not. Turns out that she hadn't died but licking the microwave is a bad idea, kids. She had been poisoned by all the uncooked paper inside it._

_All she could see was Zobert's nose peering at her. Then she screamed. Zobert's nose was SO SCARY!_

_It ends up that she's a nurse at the hospital. A mad nurse at that._

"MWA HA HA!" Zobert cackled, "I have you now, Valkyrie Cain!"

"Please don't hurt me," she whimpered.

"Hurt you? I only wanted to cut your ears off and transplant them to a deaf monkey!"

"_BEANIE!"_

Artemis burst through the door accompanied by Skulduggery, Ghastly and Erskine. They all got together and clobbered Zobert good and hard.

"I hope you are pleased with our work the Great, Majestic Eggy Egg One." The four said in unison, bowing.

Valkyrie allowed herself a little groan before vaulting the window and being chased through the streets of Dublin City chased by four absolute fools acting like penguins into the sunset.

THE END

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><p><strong>Well, that was interesting to write. Fun too. Anyway, any opinions please? This is the first fanfic I've ever published so I'm kinda nervous. Cheerio, I've got a Tolberone to molest.<strong>

**Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xxxxxx**

**-Dreaming Out Loud Since '98**


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